Theme for the day.:Bleeding.:

Don't bother me...it's for my own personal pleasure :$$

...dear diary..?

It's been a month and a few days now since I joined the online chatting game that is slowly spreading throughout the whole world..IMVU. Frank to say, I don't know what the initial IMVU is, but I do know that we go there to chat with people, unlike myspace, facebook, twitter, MSN..and many more online chatting sites. I was once called 'noob' when I first joined there..luckily..there's C.J whom I met by accident in one of the chatting rooms..and he volunteered himself to help me familiarize myself with my surroundings. Later..as I slowly get to make new friends..as well as freaky weirdos approaching me..I then realized that I'm..not really hurting by myself..there are people..hurting more than I did..suffer from hardships..family wreakage..coming from a broken family..and suffer many more hardships..some that I can understood for I've felt it before..but some are things..that I just can't bear to feel..


.. .... ..my friends there..some..are..slowly falling in love with me...no matter a girl..or guy..and it hurts me..cause I don't like breaking people hearts into rejecting them..how many hearts must I break?How many more souls are going to black out for this reason?At the same time..things have been getting worsen..my lover..the one I cherished all these years...is actually encouraging me to hold on to a new one..and even volunteered to get me one...it hurts me, knowing that..and today..I felt like I broke Ash and Lorii's heart... ..they must feel like I'm a jerk for letting my emotions get a hold of me and drown myself into depression...I don't want them to feel that way.. I can't let them suffer because of me..

-c.r.o.s.s @ 16/5/2010_01:53 a.m-

Crying tears of B.L.O.O.D~

Crying tears of B.L.O.O.D~
When we just managed to get back together..I was truly convinced that this is the time for us to slowly fix our bond.....but I was wrong...Nothing much ever change....even if it did...it lasted..for not more than a week...till then..you continued ignoring my calls..my wails..and my pain..my need for your presence.. ...and then you simply said to me with a joyful tone like whatever we've done together is like nothing..at all. What about the memories we've created and cherished together?Well..what about them?What about us?Have..all your feelings for me..been fake..these whole three years..?Since when..have you pretend to still love me?Do you think I'm a fool to be played and toyed around..? Are you having the upmost pleasure of toying with my mind and hurting me everyday?And like you said..you always have fun with your friends..and you text them..and call them.. Now I am your 'friend'...and why don't you do the same to me?You just neglect me..despite the status I'm in now=a friend..


Am I not your 'friend'? Am I just a puppet for you to toy with?Is that what I am to you all this time?Don't lie to me when you said 'Of course I need you. You're my friend.' Is that what a friend would do?You don't need me..you never do. You just need yourself. Even if as a friend, I'd like to bring a friend of mine..and hang out with you..at your place you'd still shove me away..even as a friend. Why is that so wrong?You told me I'm your friend..and you still want to see me. Well..what about that?When I was just about to end this is a kind way..you laughed at me. Thank you for breaking my heart all these years...

-c.r.o.s.s @ 16/5/2010_01:19 am-